True Marriage Multiplies Joy

A selection from a letter by Rev. Benjamin Morgan Palmer to Anna, a young girl who had become like a daughter to him. She was engaged to be married and asked Rev. Palmer to perform the wedding ceremony. He agreed to leave New Orleans and make his way to New York for the wedding. But he gave her some marital counsel in his letter of acceptance and promised to give her more advice upon his arrival. The letter was written August 2, 1866.

I am not sorry that you are to marry. With such a wealth of love as your broad, warm heart contains, it would be an injury and a wrong to you not to fill all the relations which call for love. I accept all you tell me of Mr. Carter—and from other sources I hear that he is all the word gentleman implies. Knit to the man who is worthy of you, and with a true love between you, life will be brighter and happier to the end. I say it deliberately and upon knowledge, that a true marriage multiplies the joys of a life a thousand fold—and that despite all the sacrifices and sorrows that may be incident thereto. Take the joy with a grateful heart, renewing the consecration of yourself to our loving Redeemer, and trust Him for grace to bear every bitterness which His holy will may hereafter allot for your discipline.

The Life and Letters of Benjamin Morgan Palmer, by Thomas Cary Johnson, first published in 1906, published by The Banner of Truth, 1987, pp. 374-75.

My Creed as to Matrimony

A selection from a letter by B. M. Palmer to R. H. Reid, a young man in the ministry whom he had taught and was a mentor. Reid had asked Rev. Palmer for advice regarding marriage. He hesitated to offer advice on this subject but after consulting with Mrs. Palmer, did so anyway, even recommending a young lady in his congregation for consideration! The letter was written from Columbia, South Carolina, May 1, 1850.

… I have but two suggestions on the general subject; for really my creed as to matrimony is exceedingly simple. The first is, commit this selection of a wife to Providence, and wait until you are caught… My second suggestion is, do not surrender yourself blindly to the impulses of the taste and heart, but weigh in the balance of a sound judgment the qualities of any who may have caught you by the horns… A good wife is from the Lord; therefore deliver yourself in this to the guiding of his Providence. The great secret of a happy choice may be given in a single sentence: it consists in uniting the taste and the judgment equally in the selection. Let the former be the active power, going forward in the choice; and let the latter be the satisfying power, indorsing or else vetoing, as the case may be. If both are satisfied, there is not much danger of forming a connexion that will be regretted hereafter.

The Life and Letters of Benjamin Morgan Palmer, by Thomas Cary Johnson, first published in 1906, reprinted by The Banner of Truth Trust, 1987, pp. 145-46.

Bereavements

A portion of a letter by Benjamin Morgan Palmer, to a friend from his childhood, Sallie Baxter (now Bird), written July 8, 1870. Both of them had experienced much grief with the loss of loved ones in death.

My bereavements have not been comparable with yours; still they were and are keenly felt. But I am continually surprised to find how I am able to gather all these tender and tearful memories about me, in the consciousness that in the bosom of them all I am more deeply, yet more serenely, happy that I even was before.

It seems a violent contradiction. But there is happiness in submission to God’s blessed will—in the subdued tone which grief lends to the character. There is a sanctifying virtue in sorrow, which brings us into closer sympathy with out transfigured ones who are with the Lord. It seems as though the rest into which they have entered had thrown a soft shadow upon our own life, tranquilizing those cares which formerly chafed us…

The Life and Letters of Benjamin Morgan Palmer, by Thomas Cary Johnson, Banner of Truth, p. 404.

The Way of Duty

A selection from a letter by Benjamin Morgan Palmer to his daughter, Anna, May 1, 1867, expressing disappointment at the cancellation of an anticipated trip to England:

It would have been delightful to travel with such companions [wife and daughters], and with the expectation of such a greeting in the land of my forefathers—but Providence has ordained a disappointment, and we are happiest, at least, in the way of duty.

The Life and Letters of Benjamin Morgan Palmer, by Thomas Cary Johnson, Banner of Truth, p. 379.

Our Strength and Our Comforts

A line from a letter by Benjamin Morgan Palmer to his daughter, Anna, January 4, 1869:

God, who makes our strength equal to our duty, makes also our comforts equal to our responsibilities.

The Life and Letters of Benjamin Morgan Palmer, by Thomas Cary Johnson, Banner of Truth, p. 383.

The Best Letter

An extract from a letter by Benjamin Morgan Palmer, to a friend about letter writing, May 16, 1866:

The best letter is that which contains the simple outpouring of feeling and thought, such as would spring to utterance in the freedom and abandon of conversation. No matter if it does ramble from topic to topic. This license of gossip is the privilege of fireside chat, and is the charm of correspondence. Never fear, then, to give your pen all the liberty of the tongue, for which at best it is only the sorry substitute.

The Life and Letters of Benjamin Morgan Palmer, by Thomas Cary Johnson, Banner of Truth, pp. 371-72).